Online Dating Safety Tips

Online dating has become a popular, convenient and effective way to find companionship, fun and even love.

Dating online can be a very rewarding and positive experience, but it is vital that you take a cautious approach and protect your safety at all times.  The following safety recommendations are intended as a guide only.

Choosing an online dating provider

Do your homework
Your dating experience begins with your choice of dating website. There are many providers out there so take a look at their website. It is a good idea to speak to others who have had positive experiences and read the privacy policy and terms and conditions of any websites you are interested in.

No website will be perfect, so always use common sense. Find an online dating agency that prioritises the safety of its members.

Creating a profile
You will be asked to create a profile name. Choose one that keeps your personal details private. It is a good idea to create a 'nickname' that that you can use for dating websites and avoid using any part of your real name.

Don’t disclose any personal information such as your last name, address, workplace, phone number, personal email address or other identifying information.

If a photo is required, think about choosing a photo to represent yourself that does not reveal personal details or other identifying information, e.g. a shirt or cap with a workplace logo. Don’t post pictures of any children or grandchildren.

First contact

If you make a connection with someone online, spend time getting to know them by email in the first instance. Take it slowly so you feel comfortable.

Appearance can help determine, whether someone is the type of person you would want to correspond with. Ask for a recent photo but bear in mind that it is very easy to deceive online so don’t assume that the person pictured is a true and accurate representation.

If you are contacting via email, create an email address that is different from your personal one. You can create a new one through a web-based email service such as Gmail, Yahoo or Hotmail. 

If email contact is going well and you wish to move things further, arrange time to speak over the phone. You may wish to block your number initially. To do this dial 0197 before entering their number. Your call will appear as "Private Number" with no digits on a caller display.

Speaking over the phone will reveal a lot about the person’s communication style and their social skills. Take your time in disclosing information about yourself. For example, if you are asked about where you work or where you live, a possible response might be ‘I work in communications’, or ‘I live in a small country town’. This will allow the other person to learn a little more about you without revealing too much detail. If the conversation feels difficult or you are pressured in any way to reveal information that makes you feel uncomfortable, consider whether you really want to keep in touch.

Keeping a record of all correspondence is a good idea. Be wary of any inconsistencies. If someone is not genuine, it will be difficult to keep up the façade (pretense) over time.

First meeting

Meet in a public place
Once you have chatted online, had several telephone conversations and think it is time to move to the next level, arrange a time to meet. It is a good idea to meet in a public place such as a restaurant at a busy time.
 
Tell a friend the details of where you will be and what time you plan to return. Give them the contact details of the person you are meeting and, if it makes you feel comfortable, ask them to call you a couple of times during the meeting to check in.
 
Verify their identification
At your first meeting, it can be a helpful to check that the person is who they have said they are by asking to see some ID. They may want to see your ID as well.
 
Take you own transportation to and from the date and leave independently at the end. Never accept an invitation to be picked up or dropped home.

Things to think about

• Take your time and trust your instincts
• Remain anonymous for as long as is practical 
• Keep a trusted friend informed of your dating activities
• Never give any financial details to anyone either online or in person. This includes account numbers, wage/salary details, savings, investments, bank or credit card details.
• Beware of people who become too intimate or sexual too quickly
• Never do anything you feel unsure about. If you feel uncomfortable with a situation, get out as soon as you can and tell someone. If someone is abusing a service, inform the agency directly. Your safety is paramount and should never be jeopardised.

More Information

NetSafe
NetSafe has information on general internet safety for adults and young people. This includes further details on staying safe while dating online, how to talk to your children about internet dangers, and much more.
Visit their website www.netsafe.org.nz

Update Me
A booklet developed by Family Planning for 40+, heterosexual women getting back into dating and relationships. Maybe your marriage or long-term relationship has ended, or maybe you've been single for some time. Whatever your situation, if you find yourself back in the dating game you may need an update.
 Update me (PDF, 2.7MB)