Why Talk to My Child About These Things?

Sexuality / Sex - what's the difference?

Sexuality is more than sex. Sex is about the physical act of having sex. Sexuality is a basic part of who someone is and includes our values, attitudes and behaviours. It involves relationships with other people, feelings, communication, intimacy, attitudes to ones own body, and ideas about how men and women should behave. Sexuality is with you from the moment you are born until the moment you die.

Teaching your child about sex is just a small part of sexuality education.

Children learn by observing their parents, how they relate to others, how they express loving, caring feelings and how they respect other people's differences - including different values.

Why talk to my child about these things?

Children and young people want their parents to be the first to talk to them about sex and relationships.

Children learn from their friends and the media, whether you want them to or not. If you do not talk to your child, how do you know the kind of ideas they are getting?

Silence is also a message. It implies there is something wrong with bodies and sexuality. We all feel embarrassed by personal questions - but it sends a good message to children if we show that it's OK to talk about sex and sexuality.

If you want your child to come to you for support when he or she is a teenager then start developing good communication when he or she is little.

If families are confident talking about sex and relationships, young people will find it easier to resist peer pressure, express their beliefs and values, challenge bullying and be able to understand negative messages about sex and relationships.

Research shows that young people who have good sex education start having sex later and are less likely to have an unplanned pregnancy or get a Sexually Transmissible Infection (STI).

How do you feel about sex and sexuality? Our different backgrounds and experiences make us who we are and influence how we feel about our sexuality.

We can respect our own culture and the values of our parents but at the same time we need to prepare our children for the future. We cannot insist that our young people share our views.

When do I start?

Start early, if you can, before they start to experience bodily changes. If they don't get the information they may be worried or afraid.

How do I do it?

Prepare yourself - talk with your partner, friends or adult family/Whanau to build up your confidence.

Use everyday situations to talk about sex and relationships e.g. while watching TV, or doing the dishes. This makes your children feel that sex is a normal part of family life and not a special or embarrassing subject.

Children learn by stages, not ages. Go to the links at left for some suggestions for talking to children and young people of different ages.