Eight to Fourteen Years Old

 

Puberty is starting at increasingly younger ages and can start as young as eight for girls. Boys may have wet dreams when they are very young.

Boys need to be told about periods, changes to girls' bodies, and how their own bodies will develop. Girls need to be told about changes to boys' bodies.

For more information on the physical and emotional changes at puberty click here.

Older children may not want to admit that they don't know things. Ask them what they know and fill in the gaps.

Don't be afraid to say "I don't really know - let's work it out or look it up together". Listen rather than judge. Try asking them what they think.

If it feels too personal, try talking about people in books, films and TV programmes.

This is the age to be introducing, or reinforcing your religious or moral views about sexual responsibility. Don't be afraid to tell your child what you think, and why. Try to avoid making harsh judgement, and remember - just because they are asking questions does not mean they are having sex.

What do you want your child to learn about sexuality? Ask them.

If you only tell your children about the scary stuff and pregnancy, infections and abuse, they may feel you are out of touch and will be reluctant to raise the subject again.

Try to balance the subject with a positive side. Expressing sexual feelings can be an important and enjoyable part of a relationship.

If you talk openly about issues such as teenage pregnancy, homosexuality, virginity, abortion, and respect each other's viewpoints, you are modelling good relationship skills. This helps young people to develop their own attitudes and values - which may be different from your own. Help them to make their own decisions. Value what they say. You don't have to agree.

Remember, there is always a generation gap, and growing up means developing independent views. If you don't like the words they use tell them why and suggest others.

Young people learn by taking risks and experimenting. As adults we often over-react. Try to keep things in perspective. We all make mistakes. It's part of growing up and they need to know that you love them even when they make mistakes.